I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
