i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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