Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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