I need help removing her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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