oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
whose parrot is this?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
