I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
