Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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