so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
