Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
