She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
