idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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