i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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