never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
