My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
