Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
