he thought i was a dude.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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