I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
