sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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