I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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