I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together