Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game