You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.