hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.