I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.