Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
did you just send me my own nude
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed