And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
