If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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