Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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