he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
