i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
