Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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