I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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