I cannot find my penis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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