Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
