I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize