If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
