the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
