im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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