Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
