I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
