Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
