I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
