we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
