were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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