after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
