this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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