.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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