There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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