dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
