I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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