I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
