Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
