Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
