This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
