Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
