Soap is not a condiment
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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