Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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