He uses pillows to masturbate.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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