Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
