sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
