Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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