I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
