so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
