remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
