Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize