you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
