Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
