I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
