hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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