thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
