What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
