fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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