Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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