I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let the clothes fall where they may.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
