I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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