guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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