is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
