I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
