I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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