rhymes with "ouble enetration"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So much rum. So many feels.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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